Friday, August 15, 2014
I reached it. This morning. I woke up after a restless night of sleep. Heart pounding. Head rushing. I try to breathe a prayer to God that His Spirit would flood me. That my spirit would relinquish.
I knew things had to change or I could spiral out. I wondered why I reached this point.
My years of trying have come up short. My level of hard work, my "everything is ok" mentality, my control issues. They were not enough to keep it all in order.
Thank you Jesus for this revelation. This breaking that left me paralyzed without the Spirit interceding.
Where do I go from here?
Mystery is sometimes maddening. Yet, faith building. In the most beautiful sense.
My steps so far have been slowing to quiet my spirit.
To let go of my "good girl" persona and admit to myself that I cannot save myself.
Only God. Only God. Only God.
What a beautiful testament that God will give us new hearts.