Thursday, October 18, 2012

a year

It's hard to fathom it's been a year...a year since I had my last conversation with Dad.  A year...seems like a lot happens in a year, and yet it feels like he has only been gone a week.  I don't know that I'm processing it all very well.  Does anyone ever process loss perfectly though?  I don't know where I thought I'd be a year later,but I can't say this is it.

I don't know that it's sadness that I feel, because I have such a peace and joy of knowing exactly where Dad is...he's with the Big Dad, our true Father.  He is restored to health. He is in complete joy.  Seriously, what else could I want for him?  And yet, I just feel bummed that I can't just chat with him.  But just to know that my earthly dad is here.

There are things I like to do to remind myself of him.  They may seem silly but they bring me comfort...whether it's making his yearly peanut/candy corn mix that was always so yummy.  Or decluttering...Dad would be proud I know!  Or saving that special carrot cake recipe.  Or going for a run.  Or smiling about Jason wearing my dad's hat.  It's good to remind myself of him.   I miss him.