child of love

One of my favorite Christmas songs. It touches my heart as I think of simply a mom holding her new baby. A miracle in so many ways. A miracle that he was even born. A miracle of a new life. A miracle of our savior!

ponder

So I came across this blog post from another blog and I'm trying to digest it.

Check this out.

thankful

#1 that yesterday was a beautiful day

#2 that we saw dad and he saw us before he left us

#3 that he doesn't have to suffer and deal with the crappiness of parkinsons

#4 that he is where he was created to be

girls make me smile

Today, Bella was packing to go spend the night with her Bibi and Poppy. Her first bag she packed included 9 pairs of shoes and 2 princess dresses. I mean, really, how could you survive one night without them?

I love my girly girl!

in memory and hope

Today, October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. In my everyday life of taking care of my sweet little girls, I can sometimes forget the pain we went through as we lost 2 babies early on in pregnancy. It was such a trying time for Jason and me. We each seemed to handle it differently and also separately. Looking back, I can understand how it was hard for Jason to truly grasp what it was to feel the loss. To him, those babies were just little spots on an ultrasound picture. I say that, but I know it had to be more than that for him. It was the hope of being a daddy and shepherding those sweet little babies to adulthood.

God is truly amazing and has completely healed me of the pain of that time. He has turned my mourning into dancing. Oh, God is good! For not only do I know that our 2 little babies are dancing in heaven with Jesus, but also our precious Lord took me through a priceless spiritual journey as we dealt with our pain. So, for me, it is a source of hope and inspiration and all good things!

But, it seems to mean a little more this year. I picked up the precious book, Heaven is for Real from the library. This book chronicles Colton Burpo's experience in heaven while in surgery. At the time he is only 3 years old, and his parents are unaware of his experience for a few months. Day by day, details emerge of what he's seen. It is an absolute amazing picture of what heaven will be someday, but what struck my heart chords the most was the revelation about his 2nd sister. See he only has one older sister on earth, Cassie. In between the birth of Cassie and him, his mother had a miscarriage. Colton was never aware of this fact. So, when he told his mom about his 2 sisters, she was shocked! For one thing, they never knew the gender of their baby they lost. Colton saw her in heaven and she hugged him real big (though he wasn't excited to hug a girl!) His mom inquired of her name, and Colton told her that she was never named because she died in her tummy. Colton reported though that she looked like her.

It gave me such hope and joy that we have 2 precious children in heaven!!! Yet another reason I simply can't wait to go to heaven. To know our 2 little ones are up there. And gosh, I hope they know we love them so much and can't wait to meet them!!! Praise God!

makes me feel better

so, I was perusing good ol' zappos.com looking for shoes for my big ol' feet. I've got big feet. I really do. I kinda hate it. But I'm tired of squeezing into shoes that are too small, so I just buy big shoes. Anyway, while I was bemoaning the fact that I was looking for size 12 shoes, I realized that they sell size 20 for women. That made me feel better. The shoe selection went from 35,000 pair to 24. Wow! Thank goodness I have 6000 pair to choose from.

Life is all about perspective, I guess. :)

reflections a year later

I cannot even believe it...my sweet Genevieve Mae is almost 1 year old! Where does the time go? I know, I know...it's such a cliche to say. But truly days are long (sometimes), but years go fast!

And I think everyday about the wonderful and restoring experience I had from giving birth. And I wish every woman could know what a good birth experience could feel like. And a year later, I don't think about the long (it felt so long at the time!) early labor or the tough transition, or me repeating to my midwife and doula, "No, REALLY, I need to poop!" (Really, I needed to push a baby out!)

Instead, my mind goes to the moment, that very moment, when I looked down to discover my sweet baby I had just given birth to. The moment when she was covered up and all we knew was that she was a baby. And the moment my mom knocked on the door to ask to come in. And the moment I got to look down and see it was a girl! A year later, I remember exactly how I felt the moment Genevieve was born. I looked around at everyone hoping to see the miracle I felt reflecting on their faces. Of course, they (excluding Jason) experience this all the time. For me, though, it was still new. My heart was exploding with wonder, excitement, accomplishment, joy, praise...just all things good! Words simply do no justice to describe the feeling.

After the "process" of delivery was done, I got in bed with Genevieve for the first time. My doula encouraged me to let her initiate breast-feeding and it was amazing how she knew what to do, where to go, just knew it all. (I had seen videos of newborn babies actually moving their whole bodies to get to their mother's breast. Truly incredible!) Since Geni was born at 10:45PM, Bella was already asleep. Jason and I decided to wake her up and let her see what had been going on. She was a little out of it when she came in, but she was curious and excited at the same time. I felt like the luckiest woman alive to have my 2 girls with me.

Later on, I was in bed with Geni (Jason was in the other room with Bella) and my mom was in the bed next to me holding Geni. I think it was 1AM and I was wide awake...and this was after 2 days of early labor, 2 not so restful nights of sleep, and one full day of active labor. The best way to describe how I was feeling was the highest peak of joy I had ever experienced. I remember just looking at Geni in my mom's arms and thinking this is the most amazing miracle I have ever seen. I could not take my eyes off of her. It is absolutely amazing to me how the Lord created our (sometimes annoying) hormonal bodies to send an inrush of hormones into our bodies at the exact right time to

1. Get us through labor and

2. To feel the greatest joy ever and

3. To bond with this precious little soul whom we just met.

And now a year later, I've thought about the process of birth A LOT. Birth in a hospital, unnatural birth, and birth at home. I truly think a good labor and delivery can change a woman's life. It has mine. It unnerves me that many women trust their providers to make decisions about their bodies, their babies, and this most amazing journey of birth. I encourage women to inform themselves about all aspects of pregnancy and labor and delivery and baby care. Jason told me recently that a friend had mentioned how shocked they were just a few hours after delivery a nurse came in their room to give their brand new baby the Hepatitis B vaccine. And because they knew nothing about it, they presumed they would follow the doctors' advice and give their baby the shot. They were in no state to consider this decision and evaluate the waivers, etc. Little do they know that babies can die from this vaccine. What a scary gamble at such a critical time!

So, sure, epidurals are nice at the moment, but remember, it's a moment. Birth was created to be natural...sure it is painful, but what you remember is not the pain, but the joy and accomplishment!

(Please don't think that Bella's birth was not as memorable or as special...just a different experience. I truly think this is how birth should be, and it enrages me that sometimes the medical profession can rob women of the true miracle of labor and delivery.)

an idea i'm pondering

So, every week at church in between services, they have donuts and coffee in the gathering area. I normally don't think anything of it, and just try my hardest to stay away. Today, however, I felt a little disturbed by it. As I watched 2 children munch on their donuts and milk, I thought, "Really, is this God's best for us? Is it ok to just try and live spiritually healthy and neglect our bodies?"

I have to say an emphatic NO! Remember the scripture, Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit? Well, isn't it? Why do we think it's ok to eat crap? Now, before I sound judgmental, I am a lover of foods...all kinds of foods! That doesn't mean that I eat crappy foods all the time. Part of my mission as wife and mom is to nourish my family (from food to exercise to a haven to surround them) and I seek to nourish them as well as I can. And gosh-darnet, it disturbs me that Christians of all people are not more focused on doing the same thing! The Lord gave His people a certain diet so that they could live vibrant lives. Why are we not doing the same thing?

A thought I had would be to start a little outreach like "Healthy Temples" or something. Of course, I've shared this idea with no one, so we'll see how it bounces off my sweet husband tonight. :)

milk

I found this article on milk and thought I'd share.

What Kind of Milk should I Buy?

larabar love

I discovered larabars awhile back from a friend's blog and we have fallen in love with them. Their pricetag, I am not in love with. So when I discovered this, I had to record it for future references!

LARABAR RECIPES

I'm sure there are more out there, but this is a starter. I need to get off the computer and get ready for my parents' visit. Bye!