Thursday, March 29, 2007


You know, I'm beginning to understand 1/10000 of what Job felt when he was continually pounded with more bad news. Wondering if this pregnancy is viable or not is just exhausting and neverending it seems. What I wouldn't give for a day that I didn't cry or constantly wonder if everything is ok. What do you do when you know God is with you, but you can't feel it? What do you do when you're just tired of rough days?

I guess you just "Be patient in trouble." I'm beginning to loathe that word. When does it get better? What do you do when you feel it will never get better? What do you do when you feel hopeless? I guess that's how miracles are made.

The highs and lows of pregnancy:

February 24: Found out I was pregnant...I am absolutely elated!

February 28: Spotted slightly...scared I'm miscarrying.

March 1: Go to the doctor...everything appears ok.

March 15: Go to the doctor is measuring behind.

March 16: Get a phone call from the progesterone is low and I need to be on a supplement. Worried again.

March 17: Get my blood checked to see how my hcg is doing.

March 19: The nurse says my hcg is not going up as it should. Crushed.

March 20-28: Go through a refining process and learn that I need to trust God regardless of the details. God knows more than the doctors.

March 29: Go to the doctor again...there is progress but still no heartbeat.

Here I am....just a waiting.

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