a thought on marriage

So I recently started listening to more Focus on the Family broadcasts, probably because

#1 Marriage is always a work in progress and

#2 I don't want to settle for a good marriage, and I should say "we" want a great marriage!

So, I realized I start a lot of sentences with "so".

So, the thought that stuck out is that marriage is a sanctification process. I've never thought of it that way, and it's a good thought to ponder. Marriage, just like God will not settle on leaving you unchanged. It's a tough thought and a wonderful thought all at the same time.

If you'd like to check out the broadcasts, go here and find the series, "God's blueprint for a healthy marriage." I hope it blesses you!

rich

worldly

Last night I started the Daniel study (Beth Moore's study) at church. And boy howdy, did it get in my business! In a good way...but an oh so tough way. I am grappling now with am I this world's or am I Christ's? And I question...is it ok to spend money re-decorating our house, as opposed to say giving it away? Do I spend too much time dreaming about my dreams instead of asking the Lord what His will is? Now I do believe that the Lord gives us desires and desires that are good and pure. I truly believe that my love of house design and photography are given to me by the perfect Creator. What I am struggling with is when do they take the place of God? I'm really hoping this bible study will bring me clarity. I so want to honor God with everything. But this world can pull you away and you don't even know that you have another lover.

I was listening to a Rich Mullins' song today and it said, "The world can't stand what it cannot own." And I wonder, "Does the world own me?"

This might be way too deep, but it's what is going on in this little brain of mine. I know that the spiritual gifts God gives are way better than a perfectly designed house could ever give me. What is the right balance?

(end of deep thought for the day...does anyone else smell something burning?)

not so carpe diem

So, I know this blog is quiet for my 1 reader out there. But honestly I don't have much to say. Late at night I think about writing a long post on what's been going on. But that's at night and I decide I'd rather get sleep so I'm not a grouchy mama bear. My heart feels quiet and contemplative. My heart is full of joy but also a bit of shocked sadness. God is so good. Gosh, He's so good.

But I read this today and it really resonated. I love being a mama, but sometimes in my day, I think, "Am I really serving God's purpose when my ugly self comes out in parenting complications?" And then I read this, and I thank God for those special times. It makes it worth it.

child of love

One of my favorite Christmas songs. It touches my heart as I think of simply a mom holding her new baby. A miracle in so many ways. A miracle that he was even born. A miracle of a new life. A miracle of our savior!

ponder

So I came across this blog post from another blog and I'm trying to digest it.

Check this out.

thankful

#1 that yesterday was a beautiful day

#2 that we saw dad and he saw us before he left us

#3 that he doesn't have to suffer and deal with the crappiness of parkinsons

#4 that he is where he was created to be

girls make me smile

Today, Bella was packing to go spend the night with her Bibi and Poppy. Her first bag she packed included 9 pairs of shoes and 2 princess dresses. I mean, really, how could you survive one night without them?

I love my girly girl!

in memory and hope

Today, October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. In my everyday life of taking care of my sweet little girls, I can sometimes forget the pain we went through as we lost 2 babies early on in pregnancy. It was such a trying time for Jason and me. We each seemed to handle it differently and also separately. Looking back, I can understand how it was hard for Jason to truly grasp what it was to feel the loss. To him, those babies were just little spots on an ultrasound picture. I say that, but I know it had to be more than that for him. It was the hope of being a daddy and shepherding those sweet little babies to adulthood.

God is truly amazing and has completely healed me of the pain of that time. He has turned my mourning into dancing. Oh, God is good! For not only do I know that our 2 little babies are dancing in heaven with Jesus, but also our precious Lord took me through a priceless spiritual journey as we dealt with our pain. So, for me, it is a source of hope and inspiration and all good things!

But, it seems to mean a little more this year. I picked up the precious book, Heaven is for Real from the library. This book chronicles Colton Burpo's experience in heaven while in surgery. At the time he is only 3 years old, and his parents are unaware of his experience for a few months. Day by day, details emerge of what he's seen. It is an absolute amazing picture of what heaven will be someday, but what struck my heart chords the most was the revelation about his 2nd sister. See he only has one older sister on earth, Cassie. In between the birth of Cassie and him, his mother had a miscarriage. Colton was never aware of this fact. So, when he told his mom about his 2 sisters, she was shocked! For one thing, they never knew the gender of their baby they lost. Colton saw her in heaven and she hugged him real big (though he wasn't excited to hug a girl!) His mom inquired of her name, and Colton told her that she was never named because she died in her tummy. Colton reported though that she looked like her.

It gave me such hope and joy that we have 2 precious children in heaven!!! Yet another reason I simply can't wait to go to heaven. To know our 2 little ones are up there. And gosh, I hope they know we love them so much and can't wait to meet them!!! Praise God!

makes me feel better

so, I was perusing good ol' zappos.com looking for shoes for my big ol' feet. I've got big feet. I really do. I kinda hate it. But I'm tired of squeezing into shoes that are too small, so I just buy big shoes. Anyway, while I was bemoaning the fact that I was looking for size 12 shoes, I realized that they sell size 20 for women. That made me feel better. The shoe selection went from 35,000 pair to 24. Wow! Thank goodness I have 6000 pair to choose from.

Life is all about perspective, I guess. :)