by your side

love this song...He's there ALWAYS!

possibly not pc

Since hearing the news of Dr. Tiller's murder, my heart has been conflicted. When Jason came home from work last night, he said he felt the same way. I am so sad to know that someone decided to end the life of another human being. Ironic, that I'm sad the man who chose to end the lives of 60,000 babies had his life taken from him. Definitely not much choice in that.

To say I was shocked to hear that Dr. Tiller attended church was an understatement. However, I am happy he did and I pray his heart and soul were touched by the Lord. I hope he is in heaven, and right now the Lord is showing him how wonderfully and masterfully He created human life. I will never in this lifetime understand how someone can think it's ok to end a life, to stop a beating heart for any reason. Nonetheless, the Lord is in control, and I am not. I am thankful for that.

May the Lord bless and comfort Dr. Tiller's family and friends at this devastating time.

May the Lord bless and keep safe the many babies to come.

Life is precious. Any life.

hug and a kiss

I wish everyone could get a hug and a kiss everyday. I think we'd have a happier world if that happened. And on a lot of Sundays, I get that at church. And I absolutely love it.

When you enter the foyer at church (I guess it's technically a narthex as I learned in my years of doing engineering work on churches...yes I do remember some things from those years) a sweet, older gentleman is there to greet you. As you approach him, he stretches out his hands to hug you. And then to add to the already sweet gesture, he gives you a kiss on the cheek. In that tiny little moment, I feel loved and I feel like my heart is getting a huge hug from Jesus. And that's good stuff.

No words, just a hug and a kiss. Simply. Love. Exactly what church should be.

I will rise

This is how I'm feeling today. Praise God!

2nd Mother's Day

I write this post with a joyful, yet heavy heart. Recently my mom mentioned I would be celebrating my first Mother's Day as a Mom. I agreed, but silently I dissented. Actually it's my second. I know many people will never know that I am a mom of 3...2 in heaven, 1 on earth. Sure, some may disagree that those little ones I carried for a short time are considered children. And to those, I would gracefully share the pain I felt (we felt) when they were taken away. I don't think I would hurt as much over them if they were just "tissue". These 2 crosses hang in our entry way, and they are always a reminder of the precious children we loved and lost.

Praise God, I don't hurt the way I did. He has graciously brought me to a place of healing and amazing joy. Our babies are safe in heaven, playing with Jesus. Can you get any better? And I can see how the Lord guided me on a path of growing faith, trust, joy, love, and hope. A sweet lady who is a social worker for Hospice shared with me how grief never goes away...it changes, it transforms, it becomes part of your being. And I can see that in my life. Thankfully the Lord has turned my mourning into dancing. Our daughter is an amazing blessing.

I know too that for many women, Mother's Day is a tough day. Whether it be the loss of their mother, a child, or difficulty in becoming pregnant, I pray the Lord is abundantly present with them on this day. I truly believe a woman's (even more, a girl's) heart encompasses the hopes and desires of a mother...and to all those women who want nothing more than to have a child to hold, I celebrate you on Mother's Day. I pray the Lord quickly answers your prayers.

$32

God is good when circumstances are good.

God is good when circumstances are bad.

We are so incredibly blessed. I follow Beth Moore's Living Proof Ministry blog and I recently read about Compassion. I started to think that $32 is so small and helping a child is so big. I mean for crying out loud I just spent $60 at Target. The Lord blesses us incredibly in this country, recession or not. Our country does not know poor. How amazing is it that there is a child who can receive so much from a measly $32/month.

This money is not our own, it is a gift. Spend wisely.

praise You in the Storm

lay it at the cross

I realized this year that of all the holidays, Easter is my favorite. Not just because it indicates spring is near or that it means I can get Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs (though those are big perks!), but because it means victory. Victory over a hurting world. Jesus won, Satan didn't. Healing won, pain didn't. Healing...oh how I long for it in so many ways. This post will be extremely personal, and I even wonder why I'm sharing this on my blog. Maybe it will be therapeutic. When I shared my hurts with my amazing bible study group last Monday, it felt good. It felt good to cry and release and know that Jesus is there to comfort.

My mom has cancer. I said it. The "c" word. And yet, it seems minor in comparison to the darkness she is walking through. I have not had my real mom in 8 months...1 month longer than Bella being on this earth. And it hurts so bad. And there is nothing I can do but pray and hope. I've learned that God works in our times of waiting, and that is a promise I am clinging to. I'm not always strong. I get sad, I get mad, I get confused. My sweet husband does not know the feelings hidden in my heart. Frankly, I don't know the feelings hidden in my heart. Jesus does, oh, thank you Jesus. And yet at this confusing time, I have been given this amazing blessing of my daughter...whose name means Beautiful Grace. And yes, it is beautiful. Nothing I did earned the gift God gave me. And nothing I do will will heal my mom.

My dad has Parkinson's. He is ready for heaven. I'm so thankful that we live eternal lives, and the majority of those lives are spent in heaven where there is no pain, no suffering, no worries about the future.

I will pray for miracles. I will pray for clarity on what God is doing...because I know He is doing something big. God uses EVERYTHING for His glory!

In the meantime, I'm waiting...and I'm praising God in this storm.

Good Friday indeed

Oh Precious Jesus, thank you for pouring out your life so that we would no longer have to be separated from God!

"Oh the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die
And find that I may truly live"

while I'm waiting...

My sweet husband sent this to me and it really spoke to me. I think all of us are in some type of waiting...whether it be waiting on a husband to walk into our lives, or waiting on a baby you've been longing for, or waiting on a loved one to emerge from a dark time. There is purpose and value in the time we wait.