Well, it's December 7, and I still have not been in the Christmas mood. I wonder and ponder why. As much as I subconsciously shove down and forget the pain from this last year, I realize that it will linger until I completely heal. Deep down, I knew this Christmas would be different this year. It would be our first Christmas with our child. And how sweet it would be to share this special celebration of Christ's birth with my common joy of our first child.
And yet, I am here amidst the Christmas season in all its splendor, feeling incomplete and lacking of joy. My expectations are indoubtedly unmet. 2008 cannot get here fast enough. It hurts, and I hate it.
But, enough with the pity party. Pain happens...it's part of life. With no sadness, there is no joy and no appreciation of joy. Without the necessity of waiting, there is no hope. And hope is exactly what Christ brought when He came to this earth.
This past weekend, Jason and I took our annual trip to St. Louis and St. Charles. It's always a special time for us, and even more so this year when we got to worship at my old church.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE my old church. Christ Church literally changed my life, and I am incredibly thankful for a church body full of passion, joy, and love. This past weekend, they had the first Sunday in their new wonderful sanctuary, and we had the blessing of experiencing it with them.
Rev. Shane's sermon, as always, touched my heart in a special way. It highlighted the scripture from Luke:
For nothing is impossible with God. Mary responded, “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.” And then the angel left her. ~Luke 1:37, 28
That is just incredible! First of all, NOTHING is impossible with God. He can do WHATEVER, WHENEVER and HOWEVER He wants to do it. And Mary, oh gosh, what a faithful follower. She accepted the Lord's will, knowing this journey she embarked on would be the hardest, yet most glorious journey ever.
I'm learning that our paths through life are more about giving glory to the Lord than an easy road. And you know what...I completely accept what's ahead if it is for God's glory. What an example Mary is...to not know the future, to know that her life will be hard, but to lay down her life and her will for God. Wow!
I will choose to celebrate THAT this Christmas! Knowing that the Lord did give me a baby...a baby Jesus who gives me more than I could ever imagine. Also, knowing the Lord gave us 2 babies who are in heaven. And we have so much to be thankful for.
Praise God. Thank you Lord for CHRISTmas!